Its your game but remember that I am the player !

Kita sentiasa ade pilihan.

Cuma ade masanya kita akan rasa macam kita takde pilihan.
Aku tak pernah diberi peluang untuk mengambil keputusan,
so aku belajar cara hidup dengan keputusan yang telah diberi.
I created my own wayy there.
Aku hidup dengan keputusan yang telah diberi but still i live it in my own style.
From that, i've learned something.
I've learned that walaupun aku tak hidup seperti yang aku nak, ITS STILL MY FUCKING LIFE.

Oleh kerana hidup aku berlainan dari orang lain,
Aku mula mencari punca utama hidup aku macam nie.
Its all about difference.
Kelainan, itu yang aku mahukan selama ini tapi aku tak dapat nak ungkapkan dalam kata2.

Bermula laa kehidupan aku yang baru , yang berbeza, yang berlainan.
Demi mencari kelainan, aku hampir hilang nyawa...
Kerana perbezaan aku hampir binasa...
But now after knowing what i need in my life.
Semuanya mula berubah..

Segala benda yang aku benci,
Aku mula cintai...
Musuh aku, aku berkawan.
Dengan pelbagai orang aku mintak maaf..

Diri aku ?
kita tak boleh ubah keadaan sekeliling atau orang di sekeliling kita
BUT we can change ourself and our fucking attitude if we want to.
Segalanya menjadi lain,
Aku puas hati,
Sebab itu yang aku mahukan...
Kelainan.

Aku berbeza tak bermakna aku cacat or alien or something,
Its just that i have my own way to live my life even if am not given a chance to make decisions in life .
Aku cuma mahu buktikan hidup kita tetap ditangan kita walau ape pun yang jadi.

Makin meningkat umur semakin waras pemikiran.
Orang tgk aku macam orang gila sbb kejap happy yg teramat pastu sedih pluss marah yg tersangat.
Aku bukan GILA, am just expressing my feelings time to time ...
Which you are afraid to do, you are afraid that someone might call you mad or psycho.

Ini hidup aku,
Ini gaya aku,
Ini cara aku,
Ini yang aku mahu,
INI LAH AKU !

You set me a game, I'll play ..
I don't care if i lose at the end,
Atleast i played till the last level of my life.

I Just Wanna Live My Life My Own Way !

Since i was young,

All the important decisions in my fucking life was made by my parents,

But i never hated them for that ,

i took it as if it was for my own good.

I just love them so damn much that i don't fight back.

Maybe what they did was right.

But now , i'm Eighteen,

Im still taking their decisions as mine.

Plus i still love them as much as i did back then,

But you dont fucking know how fucked up it feels when you have to go on

with their decisions even if you know that they are wrong !

Yeah they are my parents but they are also humans that make mistakes.

Semata - mata untuk jaga hati mak ayah , aku terpaksa korbankan segala yang aku ade.

Tak kira baik atau buruk,

Memang laa kita kena memahami ibu bapa kita tapi they must do the same to us ryte ?

Aku sayang Parents aku and aku takkan benci dorang ,

Tapi lama-lama aku makin benci hidup aku,

aku fuck hidup macam nie.

Tangan luka ? kaki luka ?

ape pun tak rasa sbb hati lagi sakit dari benda lain.

Aku tak tahu macam mane nak fahamkan mak ayah aku.

Aku cuma nak satu kehidupan yang normal seperti orang lain.

Aku pun nak berjaya gak,

Ini masa untuk aku buat keputusan sendiri ,

Ini masa depan aku !

What is wrong with everyone ?

Apesal aku sorang je sentiasa berlainan dari kawan2 yang sebaya aku ?

Mungkin kalau aku nak buat benda yang salah,

Boleh terima laa kalau mak ayah nak larang .

Aku cuma nak hidup aku jadi milik aku sepenuhnya.

Tak bermakna aku langsung takkan pedulikan mak ayah aku,

Tapi just that some decisions should be made by me and only myself ,

Because its my life and im the one who's gonna live it.

Sometimes i feel like killing myself because i dont get a chance to make my life right !

Everyday there something making me feel fucked up.

And all these days , i just smiled and continued living as if i dont have a heart or feelings.

But i cant do this anymore.

I cant !

I fucking cant do this anymore !

Why me ?

Why its always me ?

I stopped everything , just everything for my parents and why dont they understand me ?

Why cant they believe that am ready to make my own choices ?

They dont even know what am going through ,

How fucking lonely i am,

I've put all the enjoyment and entertainment aside, just to make them happy .

They really don't know.

I wont hate them even now but fuck i hate myself .

Something should be done !

everything is going wrong !

I just see darkness all around ,

i can feel that the goodness is fading in me.

God, please!

If you dont want them to understand me,

Atleast make me as how i was !

Happy go lucky even if am sad.

as long as my parents are happy .

DAMN I FUCKING HATE THIS LIFE !

AWESOME DAY !

REUNION OF Ex-SKS STUDENTS WAS AWESOME !
Had superfun with all of you guys.
Seriously , I wont forget this dayy !

Thanks for the friends who came.
Baru je habis reunion tp aku dah start rindu korang semua balik dah.
Bila nak gather balik niee?
Tak sabar la pulak.
hahaha. Memang syokk bhaiii !

Just cant forget the moments we had together la guys.
Lama tak jumpe,
Semua pun dah kacak2 and lawa2.
Nak tegur pun segan daa.
Padahal member sekolah rendah kot.
hahaha.

Ape2 pun memang best laa.
Thanks to Aida who planned this Reunion.
Thanks to Aishah Akhbar for giving me company.
Thanks to Fadhilah Hanum for giving me the chance play bowling.
Thanks to Azam for introducing some buddies that i have forgotten.
Thanks to Fazreen who followed me all the way.
Thanks to Amer,Shahril,Aliff,Zainol,Fahmi for Lepakin with me.
Thanks to Syifaa, Adilah, Syarafina and the gang for making my day extremely SYOKK !
And Thanks to the whole Group for giving me this AWESOME DAY !


Swear i'll never forget all of you, Not even one of you :)

Back To How It Was :)

New year, new life :)
Everything getting back to normal.
Getting happier day by day.

Girls , Bottles and Money.
Loving this life even if it fucks sometimes.

Plus, today (8th January 2012) is gonna be an awesome day
because I'm gonna meet my long lost friends, My Primary school mates.

Dah tak sabar2 dah nie.
Nak lepas rindu kat semua kawan2.
Its gonna be havoc.

At the same time,
I miss The Queen of All Angels (Ilya Athira) and The Sweetest Sister (Nurasma Faiza)
and I wanna LEPAK with them.
Hope time will give the permission to LEPAK.
haha.

Friends,Ladies and Buddies ... I MISS YOU ALL !

No One By My Side !

Lama tak update blog laaa.

Tapi bila dah hidup sorang2 macam nie blog la yang jadi teman atau pendengar

setia pada setiap luahan hati saya.

Feel so fucking bad when am sitting all alone,

Nobody by my side.

Don't know what to do.

Whatever it is I still will fight this life and move on.

Like i always say , i can smile.hee :) even without you !

Masih bersyukur sebab masih ade lagi yang KENAL aku.

I feel like a new kid in the neighborhood.

Serious shit la guys.

What should i do now?
Cry? NEVER!
Sit alone in the park ? NOT AGAIN.

What else?
Do you know how it feels when you are so fucking alone?

Everyone has gone in their separate ways and there's no use in remembering the past days because yesterday was always a different day !

Anyways Merry X'mas Everyone.

Can't wait for 2012 !
How is it gonna be next year?
Hope everything will be fine :))

Take Care Every One !

You don't know how it feels without a best friend by your side.

People have thousands of best friends but they are happy,
I have only one best friend but i have thousands of problems with him.
You don't know how it feels now.
Seriously you don't know how fucking bad it feels right now!

Few months back i was sitting on the same spot and crying everything out alone because of a girl.
Now am sitting at the exact same spot and crying everything out because of a best friend.

I can get a thousand girls if my gf leaves me,
but you are the one and only best buddy that i have,
i dont think someone else can replace you.

You are not even looking at my eyes when you're talking to me,
that bad i am in your eyes, isit?

Sitting alone at the park and reminicing the up's and down's we went through together.
I seriously don't fucking know what to do.
FUCK , i don't know what am i doing right now.

I told my dad that You and I had a fight and not even talking.
He said maybe its for our own good.
Maybe everything will be okay sooner or later.
but this is not good weyhhh.
It fucking hurtz.



I WISH,
MAYBE SOMEDAY WE'LL WAKE UP AND IT WILL ALL JUST BE A DREAM.

I Know I Can Do It Again.

I don't wanna say much in this entry..
It's just that i lost hope and trust in my Friends and my so called Girl.
But not in myself.
I went through this same shit few years back
and now am going through it all over again.
Back then, i fought so hard to get outta this shit and finally i recovered.
Now i don't think it's impossible for me to do it for the second time.

You guys don't have to care about me,
you guys don't have to care about whatever fuck i'm thinking about you.
Just go on with your lifes.
And STAY OUTTA MY LIFE, IT AIN'T YOUR BUSINESS.
I WONT LET SOME COWARDS FUCK MY WORLD UP!


NO MORE TRUST,NO MORE FRUST !

From here on,
EVERYTHING WILL CHANGE !
hell jyeahhhhh !